6) Defeating our anger & Controlling the Red Mist

 A Series of "short introductions" to Mental Health. Written for West of the Clee magazine.

By Peter Thompson Dip.Couns. MNCPS (Acc.)


Anger in itself can not only be a good thing but also very necessary. It should never be suppressed but accepted as an integral part of our persona. But importantly one that we must take full responsibility for and therefore control of.

Most of us will experience a loss of self control when circumstances conspire to challenge us in some way.

Being cut up by another driver. People who are aware of our weak points and use them. A decision going against us. 

There are so many ways that the majority of us are made to lose our temper. Which basically means to lose control of ourselves.

But if you stop and think for a moment there's more to it.

Every time we blame another person or event for summoning up our dark side. For creating a situation where the only way we feel we can react is by shifting our mood from where we were to a state of heightened anguish and aggression or maybe defensiveness with minimal if any control.

Yes every time… we are relinquishing our own self control. And surrendering to a primal desire to win at all costs.

Often followed by a period of self reflection and guilt .

It is human nature to let off steam when needed. But if we remain aware of who and where we are at the time. And remain "grounded" we can assert a change to our learned behaviour and not allow the loss of control to happen.

This is often done as simply as remembering to take a breath and slowly count to three before reacting in any way. Taking those few seconds to consider how this situation usually plays out. And deciding to remain composed and in self control. OK so it sounds easy…. But have you tried? I mean really tried.

If we adopt this approach it becomes easier to recognise the core reasons at the heart of a person's actions and reactions.

How many times has a pleasant experience been spoiled by the unwanted intervention of a thought triggering a sense of tension or fear in one or more people. 

Then consider how else it could have played out, without confrontation.

Regards


Pete Thompson

Dip. Couns. MNCPS (Accred)



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

15) Keeping IT human

Image
 A Series of "short introductions" to Mental Health.   By Peter Thompson Dip.Couns. MNCPS (Acc.)   15) Keeping IT human  On June 1st I joined around three hundred colleagues in attending the Annual National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society Conference. A very well managed and structured event via Zoom Meetings and hosted by ONLINEVENTS. A knowledgeable collection of speakers had been selected and the chemistry between them was warming to see. It ran from 9.30am to 3.30pm and in all honesty could have run on for the whole weekend, especially given the theme of the event. THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIPS: Honouring the Human Connection. This firmly and squarely confronted what had become the lumbering elephant in the room for too long and set its sights on the increasing amount of technology that continues to make its way into the world of mental health care. I qualified to practice back in 2011 and was aware of a few articles and mutters of how AI would one day stir th...
Read more

16) What is a "drink" problem

Image
A series of "Short Introductions" to Mental Health By Peter Thompson Dip.Couns. MNCPS(Acc) David works in an office an hour from home. Every evening after work he will stop off about a mile from home at the Seven Stars for two pints and occasionally a third whether he's running late or not. He looks forward to his regular evening stop off as much as he does getting home to his wife....He tells himself. His job can be stressful at times but the hour or so with his bar friends combined with the beer seem to have a relaxing effect on him. David will tell you that he has never had a drink problem. But cannot miss his daily stop off and risk of being breathalyzed on the short drive home.     Alison doesn't believe in weekday alcohol. The idea of drinking on a "school night" would never cross her mind. Monday to Friday she takes the train to and from work looking every inch the high flying professional . She keeps herself looking attractive as ev...
Read more

2) Loneliness….. The Danger Zone.

Image
This month I've chosen to address the often hidden threat of loneliness and its effects. It can strike whether you live alone or not. But someone experiencing loneliness and living in a remote rural environment can feel its encroachment more than most. Loneliness is an integral part of depression if it's not challenged. An obvious trigger is losing a wife, husband, partner or significant other. But it can also arrive as an uninvited state of mind. Our desire to share with others wanes as we decide no-one wants to hear us. We don't want to trouble them with our "stuff". This reduces our opportunities for connection with others.  So we go about life feeling that we are insignificant and almost invisible which in turn triggers feelings of ineptitude and harsh self judgement. We can spiral into a self destruct mode. Our boundaries reduce making our world smaller with less opportunity for communication.  It's the same punishing spiral that anxiety follows before in...
Read more